If you have read much here on my blog you have figured out I am a single Dad. So I think I’m going to talk about being a prepper and in the dating pool.
If you are reading this post I can only figure you are single as well and trying to find the majic formula for dating and then telling them you are a prepper/ survivalist / whatever you want to call it.
And then what do you tell them about what and why?
First of all, looking at me I am the typical small town Dad. I live in a nice house, have not much of a social life mostly because of work schedules and kids schedules. Have a job, a truck, and generally have my life together. I do have too many toys.
Yes I admit it, the toys are taking over.
The dating life as I see it.
People over 40 are nuts. There are the Funny/ Nuts, the Crazy/Nuts, and the Dangerous/Nuts.
The Funny/Nuts- these are the people who have had life as most of us, ups and downs but can laugh about most of it. The ones who learn from mistakes and enjoy life. These are the people who are the most well adjusted to life and are happy in their own skin.
The people who are not negative in their whole life and see everything as an opportunity to learn. When you find one of these you like, keep them.
These are the people you want around when stability and resiliency is important. They make the best friends and they make great prepper partners.
I’m still looking.
The Crazy/Nuts- these people are farther down the crazy scale. They are on a shopping list of meds because they are clinically depressed, lonely and seeking attention. I have found these are running wild and in herds. Most of them can maintain the veneer of semi sanity for 3-4 months then the crazy jumps out.
They are fine one day, and then what seemed like a great relationship suddenly turns into a downward spiral. Much of this is their past coming out, they have triggers which I personally have no idea about and then suddenly they lash out at what you think is normal behavior on your part.
This is what Batman and the FBI call a clue. You might consider an exit strategy at this point, because this is a roller coaster you do not want to ride. These are the people who lash out with things like restraining orders, false accusations of abuse etc when you want to say Enough is Enough.
They are stalkers, both physically and more often online. They will drop a tracking program on your phone and computer , generally so you are in their life forever.
Think of the character Rose in the show “2 and a half men”. Yes it’s funny when it happens to someone else.
Trust me, its less funny when you have to have a judge make them go away.
You really do not want these types knowing you are prepared for anything other than dinner. Consider whats going to happen if they cant get their meds at some point. The wheels are going to come off just in time for the worst of outside situations occur. Boy won’t that be fun?
I find a bunch of these. They fall in love before you know them, making them much more unstable. Men do it too
And just when you think I’ve covered the worst you get the Dangerous/Nuts
These are the mentally ill, but better at hiding it.
In this crowd you have the addicts, alcoholics, narcissists, sociopaths and generally deeply damaged human beings who don’t have the same personality at the end of a date they had at the beginning. Yes, that’s hilarious looking back but when someone is talking to the voices in their head while you are talking to them , again its time to pull the handles and eject.
This is where the phone call from a friend you have scheduled before comes in very handy for those dramatic “friend in need ” departures.
Ladies, I highly recommend you have a “friend call” in your back up plans for any first date because of these people. Personally, when a lady I’m meeting has one of these in place I am very impressed with where her head is. Something to consider is, men who get offended with your escape call, are the ones you NEED to run away from.
I was married to one of these, and dated a couple more. When you meet their ex, and they laugh……run.
You will not change them, and they will not change for you, no matter what they tell you after they have physically or emotionally abused you.
We all have our crazy parts, the trick is to find someone you don’t want to change, and they don’t want to change you.
More observed and good advice
This is for both men and women. If you are new in the dating pool take this advice. NO life changing decisions for at least 2 years. NO major career changes, no new long term relationships ( marriage or living together) and no really serious large financial decisions. Your emotions are a mess, even if you think you are ok. You will feel very strong emotions both good and bad until you have stabilized your life.
If it is meant to be they will still be there for you when you are sane again.
If you are dating someone who is recently re entered the dating pool, don’t fall in love with them. You are a temporary participant in their lives. Try to be the best person you can be, don’t get too attached and be ready for the unexpected breakups because they happen without warning.
Your kids and their kids. I have the hardest time with dating someone with kids.
I like kids. Most of what they want to do is a lot of fun. Nothing like teaching someone else’s kids to stick fight in the house, nerf gun duel’s in the hallways, and making spam and yogurt omlets on sunday mornings.
You have to laugh and love life through a kids eyes.
Kids are great people but depending on how the parental situation is they may resent you being in their parents lives. I don’t have a solution. Just be yourself and hope they come around.
I’ve always loved the way my kids are adaptable and very stable. They are less likely to meet anyone I’m dating in the last coupe years because our schedules have fluxed with them in their teens, and the related teen issues with friends and drama. I try not to push because there are some very damaged kids who hate the split and are really defensive about the abandonment issue they are dealing with. My kids are awesome, you may not find ones like mine, but I hope so.
Adults for the most part can deal, but remember kids don’t have the life experience yet to handle it. Patience and just be who you are is the best advice I can provide here.
So, the whole jist of this post comes down to this. I wait until the 4 month mark to say much besides, I’m a bachelor who has teen children. And that’s why I have so much food in the house. I don’t have guns everywhere, no other things indicating I’m anything but a working single Dad. And as I see what they are about we might talk about related issues earlier, they have to an amazing person for that to happen. I’ve found women to be amazingly observant about most things anyway. The difficulty I’ve experienced is with communication. Finding one I can talk too and she talks to me is the most elusive of the things I want to find.